Because you love me

For all those times you stood by me 

For all the truth that you made me see 

For all the joy you brought to my life 

For all the wrong that you made right 

For every dream you made come true 

For all the love I found in you 

I'll be forever thankful baby 

You're the one who held me up 

Never let me fall 

You're the one who saw me through through it all 

You were my strength when I was weak 

You were my voice when I couldn't speak 

You were my eyes when I couldn't see 

You saw the best there was in me 

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach 

You gave me faith 'coz you believed 

I'm everything I am 

Because you loved me 

You gave me wings and made me fly 

You touched my hand I could touch the sky 

I lost my faith, you gave it back to me 

You said no star was out of reach 

You stood by me and I stood tall 

I had your love I had it all 

I'm grateful for each day you gave me 

Maybe I don't know that much 

But I know this much is true 

I was blessed because I was loved by you 

You were my strength when I was weak 

You were my voice when I couldn't speak 

You were my eyes when I couldn't see 

You saw the best there was in me 

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach 

You gave me faith 'coz you believed 

I'm everything I am 

Because you loved me 

You were always there for me 

The tender wind that carried me 

A light in the dark shining your love into my life 

You've been my inspiration 

Through the lies you were the truth 

My world is a better place because of you 

You were my strength when I was weak 

You were my voice when I couldn't speak 

You were my eyes when I couldn't see 

You saw the best there was in me 

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach 

You gave me faith 'coz you believed 

I'm everything I am 

Because you loved me 

I'm everything I am 

Because you loved me 

sayang... thanks a lot for all your love for me, 

your care, 

your concern, 

your worried 

and i realized that i really love you so much 

and i am miss you badly

even when you with me 

and even worse when

you are not with me

i PRAY that we will always 

always 

and always be TOGETHER

no matter how hard it is 

i pray 

that i will have a way for us 

Masa

I miss him so much... i really do.

Baby...

is this can call a POEM?

i'm running out of word

this feeling is conquer me

before i can understand it 

denying

or

pretending

is that can make any different?

or just

a reason

a reason from hiding

a real inside

feeling is not something

that

can easily to explain

but

yes, it is a fact

feeling is a fact

that mind cannot understand

how it start

Aku bukan selayaknya

Sesungguhnya aku bukan selayaknya untuk berbicara tentang cinta dan pengorbanan. Apa yang pernah ku lalukan untuk cinta? Aku lakukan semata-mata hanya dari hati. Kerna aku yakin sekali kata hati dan kata nafsu itu akan menyebabkan keadaan berbeza.

Aku sendiri sebenarnya x mampu nak membuat keputusan yang sebetulnya sekarang. Arfan terletak jaoh sekali di hati. Kukuh dan kuat nya dalam hati ku dengan keizinan dari pencipta ku. Aku bisa membuat keputusan kerana keizinan nya. Aku bisa bersabar dan bertahan atas segala dugaan semua nya atas kasih dan cinta nya Allah kepada ku. Aku berharap, kasih dan sayang ku pada arfan kelak akan mampu menyebabkan aku mampu makin dekat dengan pencipta ku. Walaupun mungkin dia adalah bukan untuk ku tapi aku tetap mendoakan itu bukan penyebab aku semakin jauh dengan penciptaku. Amin...

Aku bersandar hanya pada Mu Ya Allah, Yang Maha mengetahui, hidup, mati, jodoh dan rezeki ku. Aku hanya perlu berusaha. Tapi terus terang ku katakan, jika tentang arfan di bicarakan, aku kaku untuk memberikan apa-apa jawapan sekali pun. Cuma apa yang mampu aku katakan, Allah lebih mengetahui apa yang ada di dalam hati ku. Kerna walau seribu kata pun aku luahkan untuk menghuraikan nya, tetap tidak mampu untuk mengatakan perasaan ku pada nya.

Aku bersujud hanya pada mu Ya Allah pada tiap kali perasaan rindu ku padanya meragut ketenangan jiwaku. Aku bersujud pada mu Ya Allah pada tiap kali aku luahkan sayang ku pada nya. Aku bersujud pada tiap kali mata ini tidak mampu ku lelapkan barang sesaat tika aku sangat merinduinya. Aku sujud pada mu Ya Allah tika aku tidak lagi mampu meluahkan perasaan walau dengan sesiapapun. Kerna sesungguhnya kau lebih mengetahui apa yang aku rasa, siapa diriku, hati ku dan niat ku. Sesungguhnya di hadapan Mu, aku ada lah manusia yang paling lemah sekali.

seorang sahabat bertanya kepada nabi S.A.W "bagaimana ciri-ciri org yang patut aku dampingi (untuk di jadikan teman)?

Nabi bersabda: " teman yg patut kamu dampingi ialah apabila melihatnya kamu teringat Allah, apabila mendengar kata-katanya bertambah ilmumu, dan apabila melihat amalan-amalan nya lalu kamu teringat dengan akhirat"

"Ya Allah, jika dia jodohkku,

kau permudahkanlah

dan jika dia bukan

Kau jauhkanlah dia dariku

dan jika perasaan ini,

menyayanginya kerana Mu,

Kau bantulah kami

dan jika ia hanya nafsu semata-mata

kau jauhkan dia dari kami... Amin"

Before weekend

Hai babe..

I will go back to kampung this nite, so i will leaving all of our memory for about two days here. I'm gonna miss you badly this weekend. That for sure :D. Not much that i want to tell you actually, just want to tell that i miss you :D. Miss you a lot

with lots of love

i'm sorry to say it again

Cause i'm only a human, no matter how strong i am sometimes my tears burst. Not to give up with what i have but this feeling sometimes is bothering me. Missing him. Rest in peace in my heart. Only me and Allah knows what i feel. I'm NOT giving up, i'm NOT waiting for him [i guess so] it just my heart. Missing someone is not an abnormal thing.

Just a few second kak no tell me something about love hahahaha

"cinta yg ikhlas sik perlu d lafazkan nya akan tetap ada d dalam hati"

She's right. Sometimes we don't have to tell other if we can't it is more than enough for us to know it and felt it. i know that he will always in my heart, no matter how far i go, no matter who will be with me. Rest in peace dear, rest in peace in my heart... i miss him

Reminisce

i miss him.. :D yeah, he walked out from my life, leaved me, and gave a BIG hurt to me. But on top of it, all the memories that we had was too SWEET to reminisce :D. i don't look at him as something that hurt me badly cause after a while i didn't see him anymore. And to be honest, i don't know where he is. Who cares about it, cause i know Allah knows what is the BEST  for me. i DON'T have to regret anything about it. The only thing that i should do is TRUST to Allah there's must be something good happen after a storm.

Yes, i'm still talking about him.. Why? errr. I don't find the reason why it have to be that way. For sure i broke up with my boyfriend is not because of him. i'm not into that relation. It is not because of he not sweet or what, but i guess that i just can't give commitment as the way i should give to him. And finally, i feel i don't feel fair to him. So i make a decision to break up. Being single again. It is a good thing actually. Can "cuci mata" with handsome guys around me. And i REALLY like it. Hang out with whoever i want and i have right to choose with whom i want to hang out. Is that call playgirl? Opps! who cares??? hahaha i'm feel happy about it. The important thing is i'm not CHASING them, they are looking for me.

No matter what happen to me, no matter how bad my hurt is, i always to put my HEAD HELD HIGH. Stand to world with proud. I don't have much time to cry a lot. I know there are still many things in life that i don't explore yet. YES, i cry sometimes when my "sa'al" is coming. But it just temporary. i never skip my day without pray to Allah that he might get the best thing in life, pray the best for him, pray that he will always be fine no matter where he is. Cause that is the only thing that i can do. And i'm happy to do that.

second chance

yesterday night, as usual.. bai + me lepak2 at warong... having a GREAT roti pisang + roti nan cheese FUH! memang layan. talking about PELUANG KEDUA.... does everyone will have it?

She wanna get married with osman. she told me if osman ask her to get married for this time she will say YES.. hrmmm GOOD for her. n me? will i have the second chance? sometimes we have to BE selfish. I had given twice chance to other, n promise if i have the second chance i will used the BEST i could. i don't want lo let him go anymore. but, do i have it?

TGiF

Alhamdulillah, internet back as normal. I can up date my blog with full of Blogging Spirit hahaha. Yes, i love to write. I really love it n love to read. but i HATE calculation.

Last night we [bai + i] confessed + shared what had happened to our LIFE. At first we talking about our past life. How we deal with hell situation, with money, with back stabbers, with our BEST buddies, family, admire *blushing* our first love *senyum sampei ke telinga* and finally we're taking about our HEART. 


After i a while, after a lot things happen never once i cry until last night. When suddenly Bai asked me bout how i can handle everything in my life lately. She the one who always be with me no matter how bad my decision is. Thanks to Allah i have her in my life.While i'm too busy with my classes, assignments, my friend's life then i realize i don't have much time to think about how sad my HEART is actually. Haha. This is what she told me before "Besar nie jak badan ko ya nak menampung semua beban d bahu ya?" Yes, i know it. But i know i can handle it well because i know i still Allah and pray. When it seems i don't anything else, seems it don't have anyways anymore. I know i still have Allah n PRAY to HIM. :D That is how i handle my life now. Some of friend said, quit busy to care about others and concern about myself more but seriously i just can't do that. I know how i can handle my life, my prob, my time and also my HEART, that is why Allah give me this strength. For me to help other. Not only for personal use only. Helping people is actually helping myself on the same time. Helping myself to boost my spirit by realize i still have a lot of beautiful things, still have a lot supportive family members, have best friend, best cousins, and the BEST thoughts about myself which is know not many people have it.

I not crying because of what had happened, i have NO time to cry bout it while i know still can do alit of things in my life. but i cry because of that ONE WORD. LOVE??? hahaha no! i have a lots of LOVE round me. Alhamdullillah... Let is keeps my own secret.

Walaupun cuti

even cuti tapi aku sik cuti rindu dengan nya...i miss him soo much. Aku yakin apa harus aku polah. Aku sik sepatutnya pike apa akan jadi at the end nya, sepatutnya aku harus enjoy apa yang ada untuk hari tok. Seandainya sampei hari tok jak, Allah izikan aku sayang dengan nya, maka setakat hari tok ajak. Tapi mun dah tuhan jadikan aku kenak tunggu nya for few months later bok cerita aku dengan nya habis maka siapa dapat halang?

Aku anggap gerak hati ya anugerah, nya kadang2 datang tanpa kita sangka-sangka. Aku sik pernah tauk sama ada nya masih sik ingat dengan aku. Aku sik pat nak madah apa-apa sebab aku bukan bomoh yang boleh tangga hati org kedak nie. Cuma apa yang penting aku hargai jak apa yang aku ada sekarang. And aku mintak, di berik kekuatan untuk lalui semua yang berlaku dalam hidup aku. Amin...

Smallville

Dalam minggu tok banyak org mengadu tentang cerita cinta cdak dengan aku. Dan aku pun sebenarnya, polah perkara bodoh kerana cinta. Apa yang special glak tentang CINTA?

Aku suka glak nangga smallville, sebab aku rasa aku suka watak clark dengan lana. Seoson 6 tok lana kawen dengan luthor ya. Kesian eh tangga clark. Tapi what else he can do??? Lana has made up her mind.

Bila mak clark padah "your bigger strength can be you bigger flaws," His mom ask him to let lana go even she the one that clark really love and need. What ever it is, may be he need to learn to let it go. Yes, i need to learn it go. I have too.

I don't want to talk to much about it.  A thousand word still not can describe what love is. I feel tired of all this, yes... start from this time.. i surrender, i cry a lot, i hurt badly, and i will say, YES, YOU WIN THIS GAME DEAR! YOU WIN... but no matter how hard it is, no matter how much i cry, no matter how bad i miss you, i'll not give up. NOT GIVING UP TO BE A BETTER PERSON!

Yes, you're apart of me. I lost without you. Yes i need you. Even it just in my dreams. I will on leave for one week. I guess this the moment i wait for... Hide for a while from everyone. Hide for a while from fb and blog. Also hide for a while for not look all you photos in my pc and notebook. See how my life would be for a while.

Memandang just a few days left for Hari raya so here i would say

Dear my babe, i'm so sorry for all mistake i've done. yes, i had made your life miserable. my bad :( and i'm so sorry for loving you more than i should, for missing you more than i should and for needing a bit more than i should. i'm really really really sorry for that...

one moment more

1st reason 

When sometime i have to do something alone, while we used to do it together and that time, i feel like i wanna cry but i still say to myself..

"go to HELL with this tears. if i cry thousand times, you still will not coming back. Let go back to work and ENJOY the life"

Indeed, i felt alone inside. Yes, i have thousand and million people around me but it wont be the same when i;m with you. 

2nd reason

When i go to the places where we used to go actually i wish i could see you somewhere in corner but i tell myself.

"with what reason i wish you were here while i know that you don't remember even one of our memory"

i wish that i could be with you that time. In your arms

3rd reason 

When someone make a stupid joke, it recall me all of nonsense stories and stupid jokes you had told me before. But i say to myself

"you must tell others girls the same stories you had told me. So the other girl will easy like you cause you make them loud of laugh. so what make me so special. nothing right? come efa.. let leave him alone"

i HATE people who make me laugh, cause it remind me how you make me laugh. NO ONE ever make me laugh that way you did babe! did you know that???!

4th reason 

When go the roxy's or seed's boutique, suddenly i remember about you. I know seed is your fav brand the same goes with padinni. but i'll say

"promise to myself that i will not wear anymore the shirt that you had given to me"

But, can i do it? cause everytime i wear it, i can fell you inside me. why you don't feel the same?

5th reason 

when i heard about football match, automatically i recall all the argument about that.

"speaking bout football, he must dying inside the match. who cares about that?"

I wish i could be a part of what you like, football, futsal, how much you being soooo fanatic about your team. :P even i still give condemned comment about your team hahaha

6th reason

When i know that you're sick, or not feeling well i just close eyes and close ears to it. Acting like it didn't affect me at all.

"he got TRILLION people who will concern about him."

but actually after that i cry and cry a lot because i' worry about you. And i can stop myself not to worry about you. And i pray you will cure as soon as possible and i wish i could ask you, whether you really ok or not. i wish i could care while you sick. And angry at you when you skip eat your drugs. 

7th reason 

When you're in tense mood, you got too many things to do and everyone keep chasing you to ask many things, i tell myself

"who cares?"

I wish i could hug you then tell you everything gonna be alright, and i always be right beside you. You can tell me anything that you want.

8th reason 

When i see you wear your favourite shirt and you look soooo handsome but i tell myself...

"is there anything should i concern about you?"

Indeed, i CAN"T take my eyes of you... I glanced at you without your permission hahaha sorry :P i wish that i can tell you once again, "you look so great!"

9th reason 

When my friend asking me about you but simply said

"i don't know about him. is he still exist in my life?"

i really wanna say how much i need you, how much i felt lost without you. i felt missing when you are not with me.

10th reason 

When the time i really really really miss you, and there's nothing that i can do except thinking of you. Proudly say to myself

"i'm NOT missing you, i dont need you, i will not care about you. i still can enjoy my life. i still have my my friend that can make me laugh and even help when i need someone."

But, honestly my heart cannot pretend that i not missing you. And a few minutes later i cry.

11th reason 

When i can sleep at night cause i'm miss you and i tell myself

"for sure i will sleep well tonight"

but the true story, i cry and cry and cry until i realize my alarm a wake me the next morning.

Indeed, i pray and pray everyday GOD will give one more time to tell you, how much i need you, i hate to live without you, i hate to see you with the other girls, i want to take care of you for the rest of my life, but the most important thing i wish GOD will give me a second chance to be with you and to tell you how much I LOVE YOU...

feel or think?

LOVE is not something to think, it is something to FEEL. Thus, i FEEL u and NOT think about you.

Dia kekuatan ku

Looking for the best phrase to make it as a sentence. Cause the only thing that i can think right now, to find a STRENGTH to move on. Everyone ask me to move on. Stop to think about him, stop to miss him, stop to talk about him, stop to write about him in blog, stop crying when i miss him. So then i decide may be what they said are true. So this blog will not actively in use as usual. So everything i just keep it in my heart. When i can't sleep at night cause i think about him, and i miss him may be i just can still wake for the whole night. All the feeling about him i just keep it deeply in my heart.

i woke up this morning and the person i think is him. i miss him but may be this is right time for me to let this feeling go. To let my self cry more and more than usual. To let my self wake for the whole night cause i cant sleep because of i miss him. To let myself to fall in to the other guy even i'm not sure if i can do it.

I hope i could get a strength to stop this feeling as soon as possible because i know there's nothing worse than being in love alone.

I'm still waiting???

I'm still here. Can move even a step. Cause i miss you so much. Dear, come back please. Dear... i miss you. I really wanna hug you now. Dear, don't you know that i cry in every time i remember you. Dear, why you being so mean by hurting me like this? By ignoring me in your life. By telling your heart that you don't need me? By telling everyone that you don't me.

Babe...

sayang, mek mala jak terkenang dengan sayang eh. sayang balit cepat. mek rindu ktk :(i

Dia

Sayang...

Bertuturnya CINTA

Reading again and again my previous blog remind me that how my feeling toward him [my BABE]. Perasaan rindu dengan nya. The way i react about my feeling. So then i wonder, why must being so stress right now? Meanwhile i know my heart want him ONLY!!! So then what's wrong with that?

Why must i feel stress when i miss him? Why must i feel like HELL when i miss him? Yes, i cry a lot when i miss him. So then? Wake up efa!!!! Where're your promises? You want to prove to the whole world that he is for you. If nothing that you can do to get him so PRAY to Allah. If you feel while you miss him so tell ALLAH that you miss him, tell ALLAH that you miss him. You know that he is in your heart so why dont you just keep it in your heart? Let you and Allah know that he is the ONE you really want in life. Keep praying and praying and NEVER give up to ALLAH.

this para is a part of my previous blog...

"Mek rasa mcm yalah jwak bila bab2 mek suka dengan org, mek x kisah apa org padah or apa pandangan org, mek suka nya apa lah masalah nya? Nya bukan laki org, bukan tunang org kaco hdp nya pun kmk xda so pa lah mesti mek lepaskannya nek tok kak ya g carik org laki GILA APA! apa pk hati mek tok kedak tukar baju ka? ish ish ish pelik na manusia tok. KITA di suroh ekot KATA nya? x logik x logik. *geleng palak* Bai tok pelik gik, bila aku cerita dengan nya semua2 pa ku rasa, nya gik sedih.. adakah patut nya padah CINTA aku tok cinta agong? oi ngek! aku x rasa pun apa yg aku polah tok agong *cup2 betol x ejaan agong aku ya? tauk ada pembetulan ejaan* aku cuma polah benda ya ekot rasa hati aku jak bai, aku sayang dengan nya bukan aku mintak nya balas balit apa yang aku rasa, aku sedia maklum OBSTACLES infront us *hihih kaka omputeh* sebab aku yakin bah, sekirannya memang bukan nya jodoh aku maka apa aku perlu bingong? kenak aku mesti nyeksa dirik lupak kannya? ya lah aku heran... Aku gik mudak bah... ada benda lain yang lebih penting aku kenak pk. Cuma time tok PERASAAN aku dengan nya cuma SATU BONUS. ya ajak aku x anggap pun lebih dari ya, andai bena nya bukan untuk aku, aku YAKIN perasaan tok akan hilang jwak even nya akan ambik masa. SIK DA YANG SIA2 DLM DUNIA TOK TUHAN CIPTAKAN maka yakin lah. Atas semua kesakitan dan air mata yang mengalir pasti TUHAN akan balas dengan 10 kali perkara yang lebih baik. :D" [Tuesday, 14 Jul]


Efa, FIGHT for it!!!!

Bila gik?

Good nite sayang... i miss u :(

Balit gik sayang...

Sayang... balit gik. Sayang pegi cne ya? Mek rindu sayang... Cne2 mek pegi mek ingat dengan sayang. Tadik tangga org main futsal pun mek rindu sayang. :'( sayang... padah lok kedak nie mek mok berhenti ingat dengan sayang... When i close my eyes, i see you, wherever i go i think of you. Sayang, pahal lamak glak sayang pegi? Sayang tinggal kan mek sorang2 ctok. Sayang... Balit gik, mek rindu sayang...