Friday, July 31, 2009

Gamba lamak

Bila tangga balit gambar2 lamak ya nak... senyum jak aku :woooh: Seolah-oleh aku masih dapat rasa gik perasaan time ya mcm nie... i really miss it. Nya maseh dalam hati aku even nya dah x da. Bersemadi jak dengan aman cya. P aku tauk, nya maseh dalam hati aku bah. Aku hidup dengan kenangan yang mek 2 ada. Bila aku rindu, aku tutup mata aku nangga nya. Aku pegi tempat nak mek 2 selalu pegi, flashback semua memory nak mek 2 pernah. Ya lah polah aku senyum. X da lah sakit nie pun. Sebab aku tauk nya tetap menemani aku dalam hati bah. Kan babe kan? [i miss you sayang]

Thursday, July 30, 2009

SEPI

Babe, where are you now dear? i miss you babe... i feel lost without you dear. Why don't you say any farewell word before you go? So at least, i had been warned earlier that you will walk out from my life. And at least i prepare a bit so then i dont really sad knowing that you're not with me anymore.

i'm worried about you dear. I'm worried when i'm not hear you complain that you sakit this, sakit that, ngantok [i heard it almost everyday, then i bought a lot of chewing gum for you]. I used hear all your complains and when i not hear it anymore, i'm soo worried whether you really ok or not. How your work? How your life? DAMN!!!!! i all want to know about you babe.

Babe, you really become an outsider now. My old babe has gone without knowing what is his apparent reason. I feel SEPI, really really felt SEPI... every places i go remind me of you, everything i do, remind me of you, no matter how small it is i still can remember all of that. Who said that i really strong to overcome this? I cry a lot actually, i cry almost everyday within this month, no matter how loud i laugh but it can't make my heart laugh as well. Who said that this perasaan RINDU didnt effect my sleep at night? Who said this thing not effect my appetite? Who said this feeling didnt killing inside of me eventhough appearantly i look more than ok. But i know, no matter how far i go my old babe will always accompany me. My heart will always choose my old babe and not the new person now.
i wanna say million and million times that I MISS YOU BABE!!!! :scream:

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Jika...

Jika kamu memancing ikan....
Setelah ikan itu terlekat di mata kail,
hendaklah kamu mengambil ikan itu....
Janganlah sesekali kamu LEPASKAN ia
semula ke dalam air begitu saja....
Kerana ia akan SAKIT oleh kerana bisanya
ketajaman mata kailmu dan mungkin ia akan MENDERITA selagi ia masih hidup.


Begitulah juga ........

Setelah kamu memberi banyak PENGHARAPAN
kepada seseorang...
Setelah ia mulai MENYAYANGIMU hendaklah kamu MENJAGA hatinya....
Janganlah sesekali kamu meninggalkannya begitu saja....
Kerana dia akan TERLUKA oleh kenangan bersamamu
dan mungkin TIDAK dapat MELUPAKAN segalanya selagi dia mengingatmu. ...

Jika kamu menadah air biarlah berpada,
jangan terlalu mengharap pada takungannya dan janganlah menganggap ia begitu teguh.... cukuplah sekadar KEPERLUANmu. ..
Apabila sekali ia retak.... tentu sukar untuk kamu menampalnya semula.... Akhirnya ia dibuang....

Sedangkan jika kamu cuba memperbaikinya mungkin ia masih dapat dipergunakan lagi....
Begitu juga jika kamu memiliki seseorang, TERIMALAH seadanya....
Janganlah kamu terlalu mengaguminya dan janganlah kamu menganggapnya begitu ISTIMEWA....
Anggaplah dia manusia biasa. Apabila sekali dia melakukan KESILAPAN bukan mudah bagi kamu untuk menerimanya. ...
akhirnya kamu KECEWA dan meninggalkannya.

Sedangkan jika kamu MEMAAFKANNYA boleh jadi hubungan kamu akan TERUS hingga ke akhirnya....

Jika kamu telah memiliki sepinggan nasi...
yang kamu pasti baik untuk dirimu. Mengenyangkan. Berkhasiat.
Mengapa kamu berlengah, cuba mencari makanan yang lain..
Terlalu ingin mengejar kelazatan.
Kelak, nasi itu akan basi dan kamu tidak boleh memakannya. Kamu akan MENYESAL.

Begitu juga jika kamu telah bertemu dengan seorang insan.....yang pasti membawa KEBAIKAN kepada dirimu.MENYAYANGIMU. .. MENGASIHIMU. ..
Mengapa kamu berlengah, cuba MEMBANDINGKANNYA dengan yang lain.
Terlalu mengejar KESEMPURNAAN.
Kelak, kamu akan KEHILANGANNYA apabila dia menjadi milik orang lain.. Kamu juga yang akan MENYESAL....

Face the WORLD with...

cont... the BRAVE FACE and BIG HEART. Ku nulis blog tok sebab terinspirasi dari Joan, bila nya comment my blog.

"dun punish urself for being emo..dah nature kita mcm ya. i myself am an emo person too...ckit2 nangis.

u cry to let out all the emotions u're holding. after reading ur blog, i can see that u hide a lot of things, you put on a brave face and face the world..but hiding is tiring, it can drag u down, so when u feel tht u cant take it anymore, u cry...

kmk pun kepak gilak keja pandei nangis apa gk mun ada masalah personal...mungkin ya cara ktk lepas emosi.."

bila nya padah mcm ya mek nang kenak akui ya memang betol lah.. lately mek x tauk pa yang berlaku dengan hati kmk seems like i kmk x pat nak meluahkan langsung apa yang mek rasa. Mek x tauk mcm nie nak luahkan apa yang merasa. So at the end aku dik pun merasa sakit yang x terluah kan... Akibat nya aku hilang fokus. Aku x tauk nak polah apa, nak padah segala-galanya aku x tauk. Hrmmm apa dah jadi tok?
:ayokona: Nak madah aku lari dari masalah xjwak, sebab aku cabar aku pun bah semakin aku rasa takut dengan sesuatu ya maka makin ya lah aku akan face dengan benda ya. Nak madah aku takut x jwak, tapi sesungguh nya aku nang x tauk apa dah jadi dengan hati aku... TOLONGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Apparently

MEMANG ALLAH SENGAJA.
* memang ALLAH sengaja menemukan kita dengan orang yg salah supaya kita
dapat menjadi penilai yg baik.
* memang ALLAH sengaja menemukan kita dengan orang yg salah supaya kita
sedar bahawa kita hanyalah makhluk yg sentiasa mengharapkan pertolongan ALLAH.
* memang ALLAH sengaja menemukan kita dengan orang yg salah supaya kita
dapat KASIH SAYANG YANG TERBAIK,KHAS UNTUK DIRI KITA.
* memang ALLAH sengaja menemukan kita dengan orang yg salah supaya kita
sedar bahawa ALLAH MAHA PEMURAH & PENYAYANG kerana mengingatkan kita bahawa dia bukanlah pilihan yg hebat untuk kita dan kehidupan kita pada masa depan...
* memang ALLAH sengaja menemukan kita dengan orang yg salah supaya kita
dapat mengutip pengalaman yg tak semua orang berpeluang untuk mengalaminya.
* memang ALLAH sengaja menemukan kita dengan orang yg salah supaya kita
jadi MANUSIA YG HEBAT JIWANYA.
* memang ALLAH sengaja menemukan kita dengan orang yg salah supaya kita
lebih faham bahawa CINTA YG TERBAIK HANYA ADA BERSAMA ALLAH.
* memang ALLAH sengaja menemukan kita dengan orang yg salah supaya kita
LEBIH MENGENALI KEHIDUPAN YG TAK SELAMANYA KEKAL.

Wahai sahabat yg kecewa, menderita dan sengsara kerana cinta, fahamilah
bahawa kehidupan kita makin sampai ke penghujungnya.
Hari esokpun kita sendiri tak pasti samada menjadi milik kita. Gapailah
keredhaan ALLAH dengan melaksanakan suruhan-NYA, dan meninggalkan
laranganNYA. .
PERCAYALAH sesungguhnya ALLAH malu untuk menolak permintaan hamba-NYA yg menadah tangan meminta dengan penuh pengharapan
HANYA kepada-NYA.:puppyeyes:

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Hold it

Hold tears, hold my heart from feel the pain, hold on to be STRONG girl. DAMN!!! I have thousand things i to tell him. But i wanna say million times i MISS him.
i try not to cry a lot, i try to make things as normal as before.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

My finger is Freezing

FEELs like i lost my word to write here but in fact i have a lot of stories to write here. Today is kak mizah's b'day. The best thing about to day is her husband gave a Bouquet of FLOWER as her n'day present. JELES! HAHA Praying that KASEH SAYANG cdak sefamily akan kekal sampei SYURGA. AMIN...

2nd story for today, woke up early today 6.30 a.m then kemas2 g ofis... i dont know why i feel so excited today without any reason. [sot ka pa aku tok] hahaha sebenarnya aku mok tulis something tapi x tauk gik mok tulis nek tok kah kelak o? ku pk lok lah p aku kenak tulis jwak sak hati ku lega

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Hari khamis yg berkat

So finally we did a discussion on Thursday, it going well. I felt so relief. so here are the conversation between us:

him: i'm sorry...

me: what is going? i really don't understand

him: i'm sorry, that is not your fault.

me: so tell me what it is

him: i'm afraid

me: afraid of what? in term of your family and your ** will know?

him: i more afraid if one day i can't let you go the way i'm supposed let you go and i'm afraid that you will feel the same thing

me: Dear, from beginning i've well known that this relationship will NOT going anywhere. Both of us knew about it. I will leave you someday. For sure i will.

him: yup, i knew it. But then i know that you can act like a friend to me in front of other but i can't. i don't know how. My bad! So can we act like a friend before?

me: Yup! for sure.Why is that so hard for you to tell me about this?Why u must have to wait until i cry like crazy then u tell me everything? You know that you can tell me everything.

him: Yup, i knew it. But then i don't how to tell you. I'm sorry dear. *smile ;D*

Then we go home n i felt really really out of burden after we had a discussion. For me, it is NOT really important that how you are to me now. Cause i know i still have a lot of things to do but the most IMPORTANT thing is you must be with me. That it is. FULL STOP! After this crazy thing happened then suddenly i realized something. Its look like i can't live without him. While both of us on "SILENT MODE", i feel like i crazy that time, every places that i go reminds me of him, everything that did reminds me of him. My tears burst out all the time. I miss the way he hugs me, i miss him the way he holds my hand, i miss the way he called my name *babeeeeeeeeee* [full of energy hahaha] i miss everything about him, about how crazy he is, about how nonsense he is while talking about something, i miss his smell, i miss staring at him when he keep busy typing his task in front of his computer. *that is most my fav moment* I pray until the time for me to let you go not coming yet, so will stick with what i feel now. Who cares about how you are to me babe, i want to be with you while i still can.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

is this the way how it end?

Not because i dont believe with *what gonna happen it will happen* but i guess my heart still need some more time to overcome this.

Kemungkinan

Wah awal2 pagi dah nulis blogs. Errr mlm tadik azfa ada cita hal aku dengan nya. Dah ya nak dengarnya cerita dan mendengar banyak ada jak kemungkinan yang boleh terjadi alu lah aku tekberfikir *????* dan akhirnya aku mengambik keputusan TINGGALKAN dan TERUSKAN. Accept the fact that HE JUST NOT THAT INTO ME :D.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

x tauk nak madah apa gik

Seriously, i also wonder what happen to me? am i CRAZY? errrr i still crazy over HIM hahahaha after all those tears and worried and finally my heart still stick with the FEELING [lucu aie]totally i feel funny, ain't my heart knows that i'm suffer enough this tima? [pa jakla] p nak yang IMPORTANT is i still HAPPY. That is enough!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

lemond said...

Mek 2 bai chat mlm tadik p sekejap jak alu nya hilang. Pa jak anak ya nindak nya pg ka? Topic hangat mek 2 mlm tadik hal aku lah nak, hrmmmmmmmmm *nang berfikir panjang lie jwak* aku padah dengan nya aku bukan x mok let him go p ku mok benda ya happen naturally, aku x mok paksa mun belom masa nya bah... tangga jak mcm aku dengan jaja dolok, tiap hari jak aku try to lo let him go p last2 4 tahun jwak aku bok dpt lupak kan nya. Sak jak sepanjang 4 tahun ya aku kedak apa jak mok lupakan nya. Dah ya tek skali ku mok lupak nya x jak gne2.. huh!!!

Susah aku mok explain ngan org pahal aku biarkan jak apa yang aku rasa nek tok, sebab alasan yang pertama AKU PUN X TAUK PAHAL hahahahaha sebab yg kedua aku rasa even aku syg nya aku x ganggu hdp nya bah. X da sekalipun aku kaco masa hdp nya. So pa masalah mun aku stick dengan apa ku rasa nek tok aku x kaco org NASIB lah nak? pa gik ada sorang kawan ku tek bila jak nya dapat tauk aku x duli ngan babe agik nang suk lah nya tek, maka keluar mcm2 kata semangat keluar dari mulut nya wah wah wah HEBAT *tepok tangan* p sorry to say mek sebenarnya pretend jak ya klaka mcm ya dengan ktk. Mek mok nangga ktk mcm nie bah. Sorry lah bukan mek x mok dengar nasihat ktk tapi nak hati bila hati mek dah mok nya mcm ya maka mcm ya lah nya. Mek yakin dengan hati mek bah. Sebab mek tauk x semua org dapat kelebihan apa yang mek rasa nek tok bah. Once hati mek padah nya x mok so the DECISION akan x mok lah ya, tapi bila nya padah MAOK so janganlah d tolak kelak mek tensyen hahahaha. Mun dah tetap keputusan hati mek maka fikiran terpaksa carik jalan mcm nie jalan selesaikannya. Sebab ya mek rasa mek bukan ekot perasaan. Mun org ekot perasaan nya x berpk. Nya akan polah benda membuta tuli dan tanpa sebab. Tapi kmk even kmk ekot perasaan tapi kmk ada alasan pahal mek polah mcm ya even kadang2 alasan UTAMA nya sebab hati mek mok hahahaha sebab sebenarnya mek tok sangat susah untuk carik benda yg kmk suka, p once mek jumpa maka ya lah jawapan nya. Mun nak carik benda lain pun kenak akan ambik masa.

Mek rasa mcm yalah jwak bila bab2 mek suka dengan org, mek x kisah apa org padah or apa pandangan org, mek suka nya apa lah masalah nya? Nya bukan laki org, bukan tunang org kaco hdp nya pun kmk xda so pa lah mesti mek lepaskannya nek tok kak ya g carik org laki GILA APA! apa pk hati mek tok kedak tukar baju ka? ish ish ish pelik na manusia tok. KITA di suroh ekot KATA nya? x logik x logik. *geleng palak* Bai tok pelik gik, bila aku cerita dengan nya semua2 pa ku rasa, nya gik sedih.. adakah patut nya padah CINTA aku tok cinta agong? oi ngek! aku x rasa pun apa yg aku polah tok agong *cup2 betol x ejaan agong aku ya? tauk ada pembetulan ejaan* aku cuma polah benda ya ekot rasa hati aku jak bai, aku sayang dengan nya bukan aku mintak nya balas balit apa yang aku rasa, aku sedia maklum OBSTACLES infront us *hihih kaka omputeh* sebab aku yakin bah, sekirannya memang bukan nya jodoh aku maka apa aku perlu bingong? kenak aku mesti nyeksa dirik lupak kannya? ya lah aku heran... Aku gik mudak bah... ada benda lain yang lebih penting aku kenak pk. Cuma time tok PERASAAN aku dengan nya cuma SATU BONUS. ya ajak aku x anggap pun lebih dari ya, andai bena nya bukan untuk aku, aku YAKIN perasaan tok akan hilang jwak even nya akan ambik masa. SIK DA YANG SIA2 DLM DUNIA TOK TUHAN CIPTAKAN maka yakin lah. Atas semua kesakitan dan air mata yang mengalir pasti TUHAN akan balas dengan 10 kali perkara yang lebih baik. :D

Sorry, i CAN'T

"seriously i dun know how should i act in front of you. adakah dengn mek ignore ktk is the best way to slove this prob dear? janggal mek babe, mek rasa sakit ehhh p if you think this is the best for us for sure i'll do it. mek x pat nak bulak hati mek padah x sakit bah but hopefully by telling you a bit of my feeling can help me to overcome this pain. i want the best for you babe... but apa2 pun i want you to knoe i'm sorry i just cant stop to think about you this time, i miss you a lot sayang. really i DO :'("

Everyone asking and want me to let you go, unfortunately i CAN'T. Not because i want to create a dramatic story like Romeo and Juliet but this is how i feel. My REAL feeling. I'm not asking for this. How many times should i tell you, this is just my feeling. I'm not forcing you to love me back. NEVER ONCE! I enjoy with what i feel now. So it is enough. Seeing you make me smile seeing you make me happy so if that the only thing that i can do so is SEEing you so then I WILL DO IT! Pa lah yang jadi masalah nya glak? Heran2

Monday, July 13, 2009

how should i act?

Mek mok nangis sampei rasa tok faded...

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Brapa kali mek mok madah?

Dear, how many times you ask me to stop loving you the only answer that i can give to you [i'm sorry i can't] may be other time yes but not this time. Plus, I never disturb your time, your hobby, your life and so forth. THIS IS JUST MY OWN FEELING. Please dear, don't ask me to have a boyfriend now. Having you is ENOUGH. When the time comes for sure this feeling will faded. I don't want to force this feeling faded, i want it happen naturally, until then i will still keep enjoy this feeling.

To all person who always keep busy put eyes on me>>> GO TO HELL
with bad things you said about me, the important thing is i know WHO AM I, i'm not disturb your life. THIS IS MY HEART, LET ME DECIDE MYSELF. LET ME CHOOSE MYSELF I LOVE WITH WHOM.

x pat nak bulak bah

i miss you dearrrrrrrr :(

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Kenak kah?

pahal sayang mcm ya? polah mek mcm x wujud jak? mek ada polah salah ka? sepanjang hari tok sayang mala nunjuk muka masam dengan kmk... pa gik nak klaka nak? pa ka masalah sayang ya? boh polah mek mcm ya bah syg... mek x tauk pa salah kmk. or mun ktk nang mok ingore kmk then it should be ok lah.. x da masalah bah.. sedih bah kmk ktk suddenly jak polah kmk mcm ya bah.. pa ka??? depan kmk nunjok muka masam, mun org lain babe happy2, sedih bah kmk babe polah mek mcm ya :'(

dear sayang..

since we're keep busy doing our own thing during this hell event, i just want you to know that i miss you... :'(

around cita2 ku

he looks so HENCEM today eh.. really he is :D i love him while he doing his work. He quite work hard person but not workaholic person. babe, you so adorable today. I miss you so much dear...

Sunday, July 5, 2009

How many times?

How many times should i tell you that i really miss you babe.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Entah

Entah, x tauk jwak mok padah apa yang aku rasa nek tok. Perasaan ya mkn weird nek tok. Polah aku rasa berfikir2, apa sebenarnya akan jadi antara aku dengan nya. Bukan bermaksud nak sengaja polah palak dik pun pening **x da pening pun** tapi seems feeling tok rasa nya makin pelik jak bena2 polah aku berfikir kadang2. Nek tok nak bila aku nangga muka nya nak feels like aku rasa calm glak. Entahlah aku x tauk apa perasaan aku nek tok tapi ya lah tek... seriously nek tok aku takut nak nyebut word ya. Disebabkan perasaan takut ya menyebab kan aku xmok berpk apa yang aku rasa :D nonsense ehhhhhh!!! kenak ku takut glak tok nak facing apa yang aku rasa tok?!!!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Armor

I've never written a love song
That didn't end in tears.

Maybe you'll rewrite my love song
If you can replace my fears.

I need your patience and guidance
And all your lovin' and more.

When thunder rolls through my life
Will you be able to weather the storm?

There's so much I would give ya, baby
If I'd only let myself.

There's this well of emotions
I feel I must protect.

But what's the point of this armor
If it keeps the love away, too?

I'd rather bleed with cuts of love
Than live without any scars.

Baby, can I trust this?
Or do all things end?

I need to hear that you'll die for me
Again and again and again.

So tell me when you look in my eyes
Can you share all the pain and happy times.

'Cause I will love you for the rest of my life.

This is my very first love song
That didn't end in tears.

I think you re-wrote my love song
for the rest of my years.

I will love you for the rest of my life.